Letting Go of “New Year, New You” While Grieving
The start of a new year often brings with it a surge of expectations. Social media overflows with motivational posts, resolutions are set, and the phrase "New Year, New You" echoes everywhere. But for those who are grieving, this cultural pressure to start fresh, set goals, and embrace optimism can feel not just out of reach but deeply invalidating.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t reset on January 1st or care about your vision board. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even a version of your life that no longer exists, the pressure to "move on" or reinvent yourself can feel impossible and even harmful. This is where seeking support from grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles can be beneficial.
The Weight of "New Year, New You"
The concept of "New Year, New You" is rooted in hope, motivation, and the belief in transformation. For many, it’s an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. But for someone navigating grief, this message can feel tone-deaf and dismissive. Engaging with a grief therapist can provide a safe space to process these feelings.
Grief is not a linear process, and it certainly doesn’t align with a tidy 12-month calendar. The weight of loss doesn’t disappear simply because the clock strikes midnight on December 31st. In fact, the transition into a new year can intensify feelings of sadness, guilt, or isolation. You might find yourself reflecting on the passing year, feeling the absence of your loved one even more acutely, or dreading the idea of facing another year without them.
It’s important to recognize that it’s okay if you’re not feeling ready to embrace the excitement of a "new you." Sometimes, surviving the day is enough. And that’s perfectly valid.
Grief Doesn't Follow Resolutions
Resolutions often focus on productivity, self-improvement, and measurable outcomes: lose weight, get organized, read more books, do MORE, be BETTER. But grief operates on an entirely different timeline and set of rules. You might wake up one day feeling functional and motivated, and the next, feel consumed by sadness or fatigue. That's OKAY.
Trying to force yourself into the rigidity of traditional New Year resolutions while grieving can set you up for frustration and self-judgment, and honestly down-right hopelessness. Instead of creating goals that might feel out of alignment with your emotional state, consider setting intentions rooted in compassion and self-care. An online grief counselor in Sherman Oaks can help you navigate this process with understanding.
For example:
Instead of "I will go to the gym five days a week," try "I will move my body in ways that feel good to me."
Instead of "I will be more positive this year," try "I will allow myself to feel whatever emotions come up without judgment."
Instead of "I will stick to a strict routine," try "I will give myself grace on the hard days and know it's okay to make mistakes."
Intentions like these honor your grief while still offering a gentle pathway forward.
The Myth of "Moving On"
One of the unspoken expectations tied to the "New Year, New You" mindset is the idea of leaving the past behind—or, in the case of grief, "moving on." But grief isn’t something you move on from; it’s something you carry with you in different ways as time passes. Consulting a grief therapy professional can support this ongoing journey.
This doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this raw, or that healing isn’t possible. But healing doesn’t mean forgetting or closing the door on your grief. Instead, it means finding ways to carry your loss while still allowing yourself to experience moments of joy, connection, and growth.
The pressure to move on can make many of us, grievers, feel as though we’re doing something wrong if we are still struggling months or even years later. But grief isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s a reflection of love and loss, and it deserves space, time, and gentleness.
Embracing a Different Kind of New Year
If the typical New Year’s rituals feel overwhelming or out of touch with your experience, consider creating your own way to honor the transition into a new year. Here are a few gentle ideas:
1. Reflect Without Pressure: Instead of making grand resolutions, take some time to reflect on what you need most in this season of your life. Maybe it’s rest, connection, or space to grieve.
2. Honor Your Loved One: If you’re grieving the loss of someone special, find a small way to honor them as you step into the new year. Light a candle, write them a letter, or revisit a memory that brings you comfort.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Grief is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself on the hard days, and celebrate small victories on the easier ones.
4. Connect With Support: Whether it’s a friend, grief therapist, or support group, don’t be afraid to lean on others. Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to navigate it alone.
5. Redefine Progress: Progress in grief doesn’t always look like forward motion. Sometimes, progress is simply getting through the day, allowing yourself to cry, or finding one small moment of peace.
You Don’t Have to Start Over
The cultural obsession with "starting over" can feel particularly painful when we're grieving. Grief often comes with a sense of irreparable loss—a feeling that nothing can ever be the same again. And while it’s true that loss changes us, engaging with a grief counselor can help you navigate these feelings without the pressure to reinvent yourself.
Instead of chasing after a "new you," consider embracing the idea of a "softer you," a "more patient you," or a "gentler you." Grief can crack us open in ways that are both painful and transformative. You don’t need to rush to become someone different—you’re already enough, exactly as you are.
Moving Forward With Compassion
As the world around you dives into resolutions and transformation, it’s important to remember that it’s perfectly okay to take a step back. It’s alright to resist the pressure of “New Year, New You.” Grief is not something to fix; it’s something to feel, and engaging in grief counseling can help you navigate these complex emotions.
This year, rather than focusing on reinventing yourself, consider making space for your grief, your memories, and your healing. Be gentle with yourself, honor where you are, and know that you are allowed to exist in this moment without apology.
The new year doesn’t have to be about leaving anything behind. Instead, it can be about carrying your love, your grief, and your story into this next chapter—taking it one breath, one step, and one day at a time. Remember, it’s okay to embrace your feelings and consider the support of a grief therapist as you move forward on your healing journey.
Start Grief Counseling in Sherman Oaks & Throughout Los Angeles
As the new year approaches, the pressure to adopt the “New Year, New You” mindset can feel overwhelming—especially when you are navigating the complexities of grief. This year, instead of forcing yourself into a box of resolutions or expectations, consider seeking grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles to create a supportive space for your emotions. As a grief therapist in Los Angeles, I recognize that your experience is deeply personal and that healing doesn’t adhere to a prescribed timeline. Together, we can explore your feelings, address any specific challenges you’re facing, and establish gentle intentions that honor your journey rather than dismiss it.
Learn More About Me and My Services
Allow yourself the grace to navigate your grief in a way that feels true to you
Other Therapy Services Offered By Kiana Naimi
In addition to grief counseling, I provide a range of counseling services in Los Angeles and throughout California. Grief might be just one piece of the puzzle in your mental health journey, which is why I take a holistic approach to foster overall emotional well-being. My services also include trauma therapy and therapy intensives, and I utilize a variety of therapeutic modalities such as Narrative Therapy, Attachment-Based Grief, Trauma Focused CBT, Somatic Embodiment & Regulation Strategies, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Feel free to explore my website to discover how I can support you on your path to healing and personal growth.