Why Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timeline (and That’s Okay)
Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. It doesn’t arrive with a roadmap, nor does it follow a set schedule. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a chapter of your life, the emotions that accompany grief can feel overwhelming and impossible to neatly organize. Despite societal expectations or well-meaning advice to “move on” or “find closure,” (words that I don't actually believe in my clinical practice), the truth is that grief doesn’t have an expiration date—and that’s okay. If you're feeling stuck in this process, seeking grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles can provide valuable guidance and support.
The Myth of the Grief Timeline
Culturally, we often view grief through the lens of a timeline. Terms like the “five stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) are frequently misunderstood as a step-by-step guide to healing. While these stages can offer insight into common emotional responses to loss, they were never meant to represent a rigid roadmap.
In reality, grief is far more cyclical than linear. You might feel acceptance one day, only to be overwhelmed by anger or sadness the next. This doesn’t mean you’re “failing” at grieving—it means you’re human. Working with an online grief counselor can help you make sense of these nonlinear emotions and build coping strategies that honor your unique journey.
Grief is Unique to Every Individual
No two people will experience grief in exactly the same way. Factors such as personality, support systems, cultural background, past experiences with loss, and the nature of the relationship with what was lost all shape the grieving process.
For some, grief may feel sharp and overwhelming in the early days, while others might experience a delayed response months or even years later. Some people find talking about their grief therapeutic, while others need solitude and quiet reflection. Grief counseling offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your unique emotions and experiences.
It’s also important to remember that significant dates, anniversaries, or reminders can resurface intense emotions, even if it’s been years since the initial loss. These emotional waves are natural and valid, and a therapist for grief can help you navigate them compassionately.
Societal Pressure and “Moving On”
One of the biggest challenges people face while grieving is societal pressure to move on. Well-meaning friends or family members might say things like, “It’s been a year, shouldn’t you be feeling better by now?” or “You need to get back to normal life.”
These comments, while often intended to encourage, can instead make someone feel isolated or ashamed of their grief journey. The truth is, grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Healing happens at your own pace, and it’s perfectly fine if you’re not where others expect you to be. This is where the guidance of a grief counselor can be invaluable, helping you honor your emotions while navigating external pressures.
The Non-Linear Nature of Healing
Healing from grief isn’t a straight line—it’s more like a spiral. You might feel like you’ve made progress, only to find yourself back in a place of deep sadness or anger. This doesn’t mean you’re starting over; it means you’re revisiting aspects of your grief from a new perspective.
Grief can also manifest in physical, emotional, and mental ways:
Fatigue and difficulty sleeping
Changes in appetite
Difficulty concentrating
Feelings of guilt, anger, or numbness
Understanding that these responses are part of the process can help you treat yourself with more compassion and patience. Grief counseling in Sherman Oaks provides tools to address these symptoms while honoring your emotional journey.
Practical Ways to Honor Your Grief Timeline
While there’s no “right” way to grieve, there are ways to support yourself through the process:
Allow Yourself to Feel: Suppressing emotions often prolongs grief. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, or even relief without judgment.
Create Rituals: Light a candle, visit a meaningful place, or create a memory book. Rituals can offer comfort and a sense of connection.
Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with people who offer kindness and patience, rather than judgment or advice.
Seek Professional Support: A grief therapist, grief counselor, or even support groups can provide valuable tools and validation.
Take Breaks from Grief: It’s okay to find moments of joy and distraction without feeling guilty.
Grief and Self-Compassion
One of the most important lessons in navigating grief is learning to extend compassion to yourself. Just as you would comfort a friend who’s grieving, it’s essential to treat yourself with the same kindness and patience.
If you find yourself thinking, “I should be over this by now” or “I’m not grieving the right way,” try to gently challenge those thoughts. Remind yourself that healing isn’t a race, and there’s no universal finish line. A therapist for grief can help you work through these self-critical thoughts and develop a more compassionate mindset.
The Role of Time in Grief
Time doesn’t “heal” grief, but it does create space for it to coexist with your life. Over time, the sharpness of the pain may soften, and you might find ways to carry your grief alongside your other experiences. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to live with your loss in a way that honors both your grief and your ongoing life.
Final Thoughts
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it doesn’t need to. It’s a deeply personal journey, shaped by your unique experiences, relationships, and emotions. Healing comes in waves, not milestones, and there’s no deadline for when you “should” feel better.
Wherever you are in your grief process, know that it’s valid, and it’s enough. Take things one day—or one moment—at a time. And most importantly, remind yourself that it’s okay to grieve in your own way, at your own pace.
If you’re struggling, seek grief counseling in Sherman Oaks can help provide clarity and tools for navigating your emotions. A compassionate therapist for grief in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles is here to support you. Your timeline is exactly right for you.
Begin Your Journey with Online Grief Counseling in Sherman Oaks & Throughout Los Angeles
Grief can feel heavy, unpredictable, and isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone. Online grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles offers a compassionate space to help you process the emotions that come with loss and navigate the path forward. Together, we can explore what healing looks like for you, creating space for your grief while finding moments of peace and connection along the way.
I’m Kiana Naimi, LCSW, a grief counselor who understands the complex and deeply personal nature of loss. The emotions you’re carrying—whether sadness, guilt, or anger—are part of your journey, not a definition of who you are. Let’s work together to honor your grief while finding ways to reclaim a sense of balance and hope in your life.
Learn More About My Services
Take the next step toward healing with online grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles today.
Additional Support Beyond Online Grief Counseling in Sherman Oaks & Throughout Los Angeles
While grief counseling may be the focus of your healing right now, I understand that grief often intersects with other aspects of emotional wellness. Alongside online grief counseling in Sherman Oaks & throughout Los Angeles, I offer a range of counseling services to support your unique needs. My approach is holistic, addressing not just grief but also trauma, life transitions, and overall mental well-being.
Some of the additional services I provide include trauma therapy and therapy intensives. I also integrate a variety of therapeutic modalities, such as Narrative Therapy, Attachment-Based Grief Therapy, Trauma-Focused CBT, Somatic Embodiment & Regulation Strategies, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Together, we can work toward building your resilience and rediscovering your inner strength. Visit my website to learn more about how I can support you on your journey toward growth and healing.